Dance of the Gummy Bear Fairy
by Ginta
Summary: Inuyasha and the gang experiment with the effects of eating a bag of peculiar gummy bears...
1. Discovery, transformation, and the pact

Dance of the Gummy Bear Fairy

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Disclaimer: Everyone is acting…weird. Just deal with my insanity, please! Oh, and do I look like Rumiko Takahashi to you? Well, if you could see me, you'd say no, because I am not. ^_^

One fine spring day, Shippou decided to be his annoying self and interrogate Inuyasha for no particular reason, who was hanging by his legs from a tree leaning over the well.

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked.

Inuyasha opened one eye, and glared at Shippou. His eyes suddenly bugged out, and one arm separated from his body and shot towards Shippou in the fashion that a robot would. The little bugger barely dodged.

The kitsune squealed as his body was turned to ashes as Inuyasha's body suddenly exploded. In regard to the violent acts in the forest, a squirrel ran into the village and danced on Kikyou's grave.

Sensing an unjust crime being committed, Kaede scurried out of her house as fast as on old hag can possibly go, and shooed off the pesky squirrel, who had only been trying to warn her.

Later…

The gang soon found out what happened to Shippou, and were attending his funeral.

"Why did this have to happen?" sobbed Kagome.

"His fiery and passionate existence shall never fade from our hearts. Let you be in peace and more useful in your afterlife than you were in the flesh," added Miroku, who received a jab in the stomach from Sango.

"Indeed. A tragedy," mumbled Sango, who really wanted to see who had won the best-constructed weapon contest in the village-square.

As Kaede said some final prayers, Inuyasha suddenly burst out into monstrous, blasphemous laughter. His voice echoed in the empty, quiet village. Everyone glared.

Kikyou then appeared out of nowhere. 

"I thought you exploded. I thought you died. You were supposed to come to hell with ME, DAMMIT!!" she cried, yanking on her hair, then stomped her feet. Finally she resolved to floating above their heads in circles, moaning like a banshee.

"Er, there is a squirrel dancing on your grave," said Kagome, seeing that the rodent had indeed returned.

"WHAT?! Kagome, are you responsible for this?! You are their secret leader of the "Sailor Fuku Rodent" club, AREN'T you?!" Kikyou bellowed, now diving from the air, and rising up again, trying to strike Kagome.

Everyone in the village scattered except for Sango, Miroku, Inuyasha, and Kagome. As the violence dragged on, and Kagome ran for her dear life in circles, while Inuyasha just stood and bit his nails, er, claws.

Miroku was too busy trying to get the "bug" out of Sango's hair, which didn't work out too well. 

"I don't BUY it, houshi! So just knock it off and go help Kagome," growled Sango.

Miroku made a depressed noise and proceeded to jump into the fray. Kagome had finally been able to draw out her bow and arrows, and was trying frantically to shoot the howling apparition known as Kikyou out of the sky. Inuyasha made mad dashes back and forth between the fighting mikos, trying to decide who he should help.

"I help her," he said, pointing to Kikyou, "and I can kiss my life above ground goodbye. I help _her_," he pointed to Kagome, "and I am forever haunted by an obsessed, overly-morbid dead woman who wishes for revenge and could snap at any second. AHHH!"

Inuyasha then pulled a bag of gummy bears from his shirt and started throwing them at everyone. Kaede emerged from the trees with a strange gleam in her eyes at the sight of the gummy bears. The purple ones especially appealed to her. She made her way over, or at least tried to. In fact a huge bird silently scooped her up and away, and Kaede was so scared she could not utter a word. Also, Sango was nowhere to be found.

Kikyou and Kagome stopped their fight to see what exactly the hanyou was throwing at them.

"Gummy bears!" Kagome shrieked in delight, dropping her weapon and her animosity, "Where did you get those?! I must've been from my bag…How dare you! Oh well. Give me some!"

Kikyou grabbed Miroku by the collar, raising him into the air. "What exactly _is_ a gummy bear?"

"I don't know, you schizophrenic poltergeist!" Miroku yelled into her face, struggling to get free.

Kikyou dropped him at once, and dissolved into sobs. "Am I…really schizophrenic?"

Miroku brushed himself off and headed towards the gummy bear party. "Excuse me, ladies, but could you perhaps share some of those divinely attractive treats with me?"

He awaited a slap from Sango, but it never came. May Buddha bless his luck and let it blossom more often! Alas. Another squirrel, a fatter one this time, hopped onto Miroku's shoulder and slapped him across the face.

He pouted like a child, and threw the rodent off. "Damn it! It's always me…"

Kikyou had snatched the bag from Inuyasha, who was too afraid to do anything. She cackled hellishly and dug through the bag, frantically searching for the red ones.

Miroku marched over to where Kikyou was hovering. "Hey! We didn't get any!! HEY!"

Kikyou looked down at the monk and everyone else. "Ha! You can have them…when I finish eating all the red ones! Ah, my little gummies of death…come with me to HELL!"

This late statement left the rest of the cast to stare, until a tiny transparent form flew their way. It strangely and remarkably resembled Shippou. Before the tortured kitsune could say one word, Inuyasha jumped up and punched him back into hell, or wherever he came from. All that could be heard was a heart-wrenching squeal echoing across the valley.

"Anyways…let us have some, Kikyou!" Kagome crooned, reaching up her arms in vain.

"I'm not done yet. Here, have a few, you hopeless mortals! Ah…how I wish I was one!" Kikyou yelled, showering everyone with gummy bears.

Everyone but Sango (well, cause she disappeared!) dived for the treats scattered on the ground, oblivious to the dirt and germs. Kagome gathered the blue ones, while Miroku scrounged up the orange, claiming it to be his color most describing his "intimately charming" personality. He was enjoying not having to worry about being hit for being perverted. This was the life!

Just when Kikyou thought she was done with those insanely sweet morsels, she felt herself shrinking, physically and mentally. She raised one pale hand, watching it grow smaller and smaller, until it was about the size Shippou's hand would be, give or take a few inches. Suddenly the gummies were the most important thing in the world to her.

"Can we have them, _now_?!" whined Inuyasha, who had also grown younger, to about the age of six, due to the consumption of the strange gummy bears.

"No! They're mine!" Kikyou squealed, holding the bag just out of his reach as she continued to float above them all.

Kagome now started jumping up and down, along with Miroku and Inuyasha. "Why can't we have some?! I'll play house with you later, I promise!"

"What is this 'house' you speak of?! Talk or I'll eat them all!" Kikyou shrieked, then cackled shrilly in her little girl voice.

Kagome, who had been changed to the body and mind of a five-year-old along with everyone else, sucked on her finger, thinking of a way to describe it. "It's when…you dress up in grown-up clothes and pretend you have your own place to live! With a husband and a stove and kids too!"

Kikyou's eyes quickly darted over to Inuyasha, who was still jumping up and down, trying to get at the bag of gummy bears. Her chubby little face twisted into an evil grin of a young girl who knows how to play things out just right, or so she thought.

"Okie-dokie," Kikyou said slyly, swinging the bag of gummies around her pointer finger, "You can have the whole bag if Inuyasha gets to be my husband!"

No one could determine if she meant just for their game or for life and the life after death. No one could really fathom that much, except maybe Kikyou, bless her dark morbid mind.

Kagome thought long and hard for about five seconds. "Sure! But then I get to play with him, kay? You hafta promise, Kikyou! You have to!"

"Hmmm…okay!" Kikyou agreed, clapping her tiny pale arms together, then rubbing them in haste.

Miroku was fidgeting impatiently next to Inuyasha, who was trying to figure out what a stove was, and if it was a bad thing. He was pretty sure what a husband was, but he didn't know how a house would work out without a wife. And he knew darn well that Kikyou couldn't be his wife…because she floats!

"Umm, who am I supposed to be with in this game thing?" Inuyasha asked, staring at Kikyou, who was still hovering. 

"Me, of course!" Kikyou answered, sending him a fiery look.

"But…you are a crazy, flying youkai-girl with gummies!" Inuyasha replied, speaking his mind and thinking nothing of it.

Miroku and Kagome merely stared. They didn't know what to make of the situation, and so Kagome just shared her newly won bag of gummies with him.

"That's it, mister! You're coming with me, to the bad place! Umm…I mean…hubby, we're going home now!" Kikyou yelled, finally descending on the ground. 

As Kikyou dragged Inuyasha off to build their "home", Kagome shouted through a mouthful of gummy bears, "Just make sure I get my turn with him after lunchtime!"

"Yeah, yeah!" Kikyou shouted back, dragging Inuyasha over the hill they were playing on.

"So…" Miroku mused, chewing not-so-thoughtfully on an orange gummy bear, "What do you wanna do?"

"We can play dress up!" cried Kagome, running over to her yellow bag.

"Okies," Miroku mumbled, feeling like someone was missing. He shrugged off the feeling and joined Kagome in finding something in her pack to wear.

-*-

Was it good? Bad? Tell me what you think!!! Should I stop or go on?! Thanks for reading! And, hopefully if you like Chapter One, you can look forward to Chapter Two soon!! ^_^


	2. Scarring experiences, attack of the tort...

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Chapter Two

Disclaimer: All apply…yada yada yada!

Sango sat happily against the trunk of an old tree, petting Kirara and shoving her face with what appeared to be gummy bears. Apparently she had snatched a bunch from the ground and made a run for it, so she could enjoy them in peace. But, when she was running over, she too had shrunk into a little girl.

"I wonder where my friends are…oh well! I have you, Kirara, and my gummy dollies!" Sango cried, now positioning her gummy bears on the grass in two rows.

Sango picked up an orange one, calling it Miroku, and a yellow one, which she called herself, Sango. She appeared to be playing out a mock wedding with her gummy bears. She hummed to herself as she acted out the entire ceremony. When she was done, she gathered them up, split them into two groups, and gave half to Kirara.

"There you go, kitty!" she giggled, tossing gummy bears all over the youkai.

Kirara sniffed is suspiciously, then lapped up a few. Just when she swallowed them, the youkai fell onto its back, feet in the air.

"Kirara? Did you like the gummies?" Sango asked, leaning over Kirara, who looked as if she might be dead, "KIRARA!!"

Her shrill scream echoed across the valley before her and five huge, turquoise tortoises (whoa, alliteration!) with orange shells moaned and started to climb out of a nearby lake. They appeared to be chanting, something along the lines of, "Kitty killer, kitty killer…get her!"

Sango shrieked, grabbed the immobilized Kirara, and made a run for Kaede's hut. She looked over her shoulder to see them stampeding after her, at an incredibly slow pace. The little girl continued to run, the hut getting closer and closer.

She burst in, expecting to see the old, welcoming hag, but was instead met with the eyes of one of those crazy squirrels. She ripped her eyes off of it, only to find that the entire shack was filled with the vermin. Hugging Kirara tighter, she closed her eyes, waiting for something to happen…

***

Kikyou was dragging Inuyasha further into the village, looking for a suitable house to "live in". The little hanyou continued to grumble and snort as he watched his feet drag in the dirt. He'd get them back, both of them. But not now, later…

"This is it!" Kikyou cried, dropping Inuyasha and turning to him, "Stay here, hubby, while I secure our new home!"

She then glided over to the house, through the wall, and proceeded to spook the living daylights out of whoever was in there. Two men, in their underwear, and a scantily clad woman burst out the door, screaming. They soon fled the village.

"Perfect!" Kikyou cooed, rubbing her little pale hands together once more.

"Grr," grumbled Inuyasha, then getting a not-so-bright idea, "Hey! Since I hafta do this, umm, can I get my mommy's old dolly so we can pretend to have a baby?"

At the mention of this, Kikyou's devious, brown little orbs for eyes glowed, "A baby? Why, yes. But we are in no need for a synthetic, raggedy old mock baby. We can have a real one!"

After proclaiming this, Kikyou popped back into her adult form and stool tall and shadowy over Inuyasha, who was still a little kid. She put a slender hand to her mouth and cackled. Inuyasha sat stock still, little dog-ears plastered to the sides of his head.

Little Miroku crawled out from under the bed of the abandoned house. "Hey! Looks like it wore off. Let's make a run for it!"

Inuyasha nodded and scampered behind Miroku out the doorway, between Kikyou's legs. Kikyou howled and dove at them, but they somehow managed to get away, due to a strange looking bird swooping up the insane dead miko. The strange think was that this bird already had what looked like a miko trapped in its gigantic claws. Youkai these days…

The two little boys now walked along calmly.

"So," Inuyasha asked, wishing he had more gummy bears, "What have you been doing?"

Miroku eyed the black bows tied into Inuyasha's long hair for a second, then shrugged and replied, "Forced to play little girl games with Kagome. It woulda been kinda fun, but she didn't have any orange clothes!"

Inuyasha tried desperately to pull the silly ribbons out of his hair, but it was futile. "Well, at least you weren't playing house with Kikyou. I think I know what 'house' is now and I never wanna play it again."

***

Kagome stood over her backpack, which was now totally empty, for the contents were strewn all across the grass. 

"MIROKU!! You get back here! How dare you leave me when we were just getting to the good part?! MIROKU!!!" She screamed, her small voice echoing into the valley.

The tortoises heard her shrill cry, and stopped going after the shack that Sango was in. They slowly turned and made their way towards Kagome, who angrily stuffed all of her belongings into her pack and stomped off to find Inuyasha.

She ran to Kaede's shack, which was quivering violently. She could hear snarls and hissing noises, along with scratching. Then she heard Sango scream. She ran in.

"Kagome, help!" A little Sango cried, trying to fend off the rabid squirrels, "They want Kirara's body! WAA!"

At Kagome tried to smack the squirrels with her insanely large backpack, the herd of tortoises crept closer. They grunted and scoffed at how they had to travel so far only to end up in the same place. But they still wanted revenge for the death of a fellow youkai.

They burst through the door with black silk bonnets tied to their heads, courtesy of Kouga's _Always Fitting Tight and Sexy_ line of clothing, manufactured especially for youkai with social problems.

The rabid squirrels immediately stopped attacking the girls, who shrieked in horror at the sight of the tortoises. One squirrel bounded up to the leader of the group, and tugged quickly on the strips of silk securing the bonnet around his head.

"You have the exclusive hand-fashioned bonnet from Kouga's _Always Fitting Tight and Sexy _company!" the squirrel gasped, "Where on earth did you GET those?!"

Thinking the squirrel was trying to tease him, he let out his feelings in one gruff statement: "I have problems, okay?! I am just getting help, like everyone tells me to!!"

Sango and Kagome stare, and the effects of the gummy bears begin to wear off. Sango actually starts to wonder why there are thirty rabid squirrels snarling in Kaede's hut, accompanied by seven orange and turquoise tortoises with black silk bonnets tied to their heads. She shrugged it off and looked for her loyal pet, which was nowhere to be seen.

"Where is my Kirara?" She asks, glaring at each and every youkai in the room, "Which one of you took her?"

The lead tortoise shifted from foot to foot. "Well…don't get angry at me, sweet darling, ripe as the plums picked from trees in the spring, but you killed her."

Sango, not believing him for one minute and ignoring the horribly corny installment of metaphorical poetry, kicked the lead tortoise, sending him flying out of the shack. He bellowed piteously as he crashed into a nearby shrub, his brand new bonnet flying into the air. He seemed to have survived the blow, but he was now sobbing shamelessly as he rolled back and forth on his back, crying out his bonnet's name.

"Cornelius! Cornelius, come back to me!"

***

Inuyasha and Miroku wandered until they found Kagome and Sango, who were desperately searching for Kirara.

"What is in your hair?" Kagome managed to ask through her giggles.

"You look like a girl!" Sango chuckled, temporarily forgetting about her long-lost pet.

Inuyasha frowned angrily. "It's not my fault, okay? Kikyou sent these at me like darts and I couldn't move!"

Sango cocked an eyebrow. "Kikyou did?"

Kagome eyed Inuyasha strangely, who had also reverted back to his older form. "What exactly were you doing with her, anyway?"

Inuyasha arched his pointer fingers to make a steeple. "Well…she wanted to play a game, I think. What did Kikyou—"

The hanyou was cut off when the wind picked up, howling, and the skies suddenly grew dark. Kikyou suddenly dropped out of the sky, courtesy of a giant flying bird overhead.

She brushed herself off and stood to face them. "Why, thank you so much, especially you, Inuyasha dear, for repeating my name three times in the course of three minutes! Now I am mortal. Muahahahaha!"

Lightning crackled against the sky when she let out her peels of joyous laughter. Everyone stared in horror. Kagome looked like she was about to explode with rage, when her body suddenly deflated, much in the manner that a balloon would. Her limp body slid to the ground.

Sango gasped, but suddenly that same bird swooped down and grabbed her around the middle, taking her high into the sky. She screamed for Kirara and her money that she had won from the best-constructed weapons contest, which had evidently taken place in her absence, and somehow she knew she had won, or thought she did.

"Perfect, perfect! Don't you see, my love? I am mortal, and your other love interest and her friend are no more! We were meant to be!" Kikyou sang, running in circles around Inuyasha so fast that he had no means of escape.

Inuyasha tried leaping out of her reach, only for Kikyou to run in his path. Apparently in exchange for her deathly powers she had gained tremendous speed and endurance.

He gave up and plopped down into the grass, hopeless and now prey to whatever the now-mortal Kikyou had in store for him, a tantalizing piece of hanyou meat everyone seemed to want.

__

Oh, the possibilities. 

*-*

Well, better, worse, stupid? Please let me know!! ^_^ I do plan to write more, so look forward to the next chapter!


	3. House forgotten, the Flipper chase, and ...

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Chapter Three

Disclaimer: All apply…yada yada yada!

Kikyou chuckled as she stood over Inuyasha, who couldn't help but forget about the recent mortifying image of Kagome literally deflating to the ground. He frantically looked for a sign of Miroku, but found none. He had barely enough time to wonder if the gods, if any at all, really did hate him.

"Inuyasha, you may _look_ frightened, dear love, but I, the newly-born mortal, Kikyou, know better!" she cackled once more, waving her fleshy arms about crazily.

"P-please, Kikyou…I'll give you more gummies!" Inuyasha croaked out, edging away.

She licked her lips in malicious pleasure. "But, Inuyasha, darling, I already ate all of the red ones, which were the only color my morbid personality would allow!"

Inuyasha squeaked, now totally forgetting about his silly black ribbons in his hair.

"But…I'll tell you what, hanyou prince!" Kikyou said, grinning as she thought of her deeper, newfound mortal desires, "You don't have to play 'house' with me."

As sudden sweet thoughts of sugar plumb youkai fairies invaded the hanyou's mind, Kikyou absent-mindedly kicked the sagging pile of deflated Kagome essence aside and made a grab for Inuyasha.

He looked, horror-struck, at the lump on the grass that was once Kagome as Kikyou clasped a hand on his shoulder. She hummed a tune frighteningly similar, if not in fact, Maki Gotou's "Uwasa no Sexy Guy" and sank on her knees beside Inuyasha.

Inuyasha's eyes rolled back into his head, knowing he'd prefer the image of the youkai fairies dancing in his mind's eye to witnessing first-hand whatever this psycho woman was doing to him.

He felt a sand-papery sensation on his cheek, and reluctantly cracked open one eye. Kikyou was licking—no—grooming him! Inuyasha tried to move, but found that her newfound mortality had obtained a combination of kitty and restraint power.

"Kikyou…" Inuyasha murmured, silenced by Kikyou shoving a confiscated black silk bonnet with the unmistakable tag of Kouga's _Always Fitting Tight and Sexy _company into his mouth.

Miroku suddenly appeared from behind, and let rip a scream that was horribly girly. He stomped his feet at hyper speed and dashed off. Kikyou immediately stopped.

"Karkou? Whafs khoin on?" Inuyasha managed to get out.

All the newly-treasured blood drained from her face, and she fell to the ground, stiff as a board. Right away, Inuyasha sprung up to his feet, free from the kitty spell. He poked the now-still Kikyou from what he thought was a safe distance, then yipped in fright as he soul slid out, shrieking and spitting in what had to be fury. Inuyasha pulled the slimy bonnet from his mouth, and threw it to the ground hastily, flipping his tongue frantically to rid his mouth of the taste.

Kikyou sped in fast circles over the startled hanyou's head. "No, no, no!! Argh!!! I CAN'T be dead!!"

Inuyasha subconsciously rubbed his cheeks as he continued to stare.

"Just when I was brought back to life, that damn monk just had to go and literally SCARE me to death!!" Kikyou bellowed, then stopped abruptly.

She held her throat, then suddenly puked up a slimy red mess, which could not be mistaken for anything else but the red gummy bears that she had consumed earlier. Then, to Inuyasha's relief, Kikyou spontaneously evaporated, (ooh, you wanted her to _combust_, didn't you?) probably to join Shippou's soul, wherever it was. 

Inuyasha just wasn't having a good day, with the living or the dead.

***

Sango kicked her feet in midair, as the giant bird continued to soar high over the lands. She suddenly shouted: "Free Willy!", then immediately felt embarrassed to discover no signs proving her to be part of any species of whale. She sighed wearily, and then a new wave of uncharacteristic greed washed over her.

"I want my prize money!!" she whined, pounding her fists in futile effort on the bird's enormous talons.

"Warble, snarble, skeeeep!" the bird replied stupidly.

"NO! Prize money! I _know_ I won that weapons contest! Drop me off," she hissed, then hastily added as her brain kicked in and the bird slowed down, "at Kaede's village!"

The big bird honked in what she hoped was compliance, but it didn't change its course. Sango huffed another not-so-almighty sigh, and resorted to studying the purple and puce colored feathers of the bird.

"I wish I had some more gummy bears," she muttered, and without warning, the bird released her, handing her over to be dealt with gravity.

Sango let out a high-frequency click, then covered her mouth as she fell to her doom. She's not part whale…She's _dolphin_! How could she be so stupid?!

"Yay! Flipper!" she shrieked as the forest grew larger below her.

The youkai taijiya-gone-insane landed in a youkai nest perched high in the crotch of some three. Having nothing better to do, she studied the nest. She cold figure out what kind of nest it was, she was a youkai taijiya, after all!

She was alone, among a mass of twigs and sticky blue mud. Upon closer inspection, she spotted out clumps of purple gummy bears lining the outside of the nest. Sango poked one, her greed temporarily forgotten.

"Oooooooooh, gummies," she mumbled, transfixed by the purple mass of sugar and gelatin.

Sango was interrupted from her gleeful clicking when the tree she was in began to shake. She stopped clicking and suddenly was able to hear Miroku's high-pitched screams. He was shaking the tree violently, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Sango, Sango," Miroku shrieked.

The slacking youkai taijiya bent to look down ad the distraught monk. "Whaat, Houshi? I'm busy! I need to find some water…"

"Sango, Sango, bo bango, banana fana fo fango, fee fi mo mango," Miroku garbled out in song, "SANGO!"

A youkai strangly resembling what a cross between a unicorn and dolphin would look like suddenly sprang up from the ground, tap danced, then grabbed the hysterical Miroku and galloped off, now continuing Kikyou's passionate stanza from "Uwasa no Sexy Guy".

Sango leaped from the nest, landing unharmed by some freakish twist of nature, and ran off to chase the pair, screaming, "Flipper, wait!!!"

***

Inuyasha strolled along, enjoying his freedom from Kikyou, apart from not being able to detach the black ribbons from his hair, which had to mean something bad. He sighed and tried not to think about it.

He sped up, back to the village, to maybe still try to recover his mommy's old dolly, which he never knew was still existent after 50+ years of wear and tear. His collision with childlike fantasies and scarring experiences after eating the gummy bears had brought that piece of information to the front of his mind. He stopped to howl gleefully at the sun, then for some reason stopped, feeling as though something wasn't quite right about that. Hmmm…

A pair of squirrels suddenly ran up to him, and scampered up his pant legs. He shrieked and danced about, knowing he had to look something like that girl in the red dress from that movie Kagome had made him watch once. Though, he didn't have the hair. Nope, not at all.

"Aiyayayaya! You have problems, sir hanyou! Let us help, let us help!" the squirrels chirped from under his kimono and hakama, "The ribbons guided us to you!"

"What the hell!? What ribbons?!" Inuyasha barked out, still dancing.

One squirrel poked his head out from the slit of his kimono on his arm, "Ah, he is in the first stage: Denial!!"

The second squirrel ran up from his kimono to sit on his head. "Yes, yes, denial! You poor dear! We'll have to thank the kind person who tagged you for us!"

Inuyasha was able to stop dancing, kind of like how those damn sugar plumb fairies were dancing in his head earlier. "The hell?! I don't need to be tagged, dammit! Get off of me! I DON'T HAVE PROBLEMS!"

The first squirrel slapped his face with his tiny hands, and sung, "There's nothing to feaaaaaaaaar, my dear, for we only wish to help!"

"Yes, please, let us help! Let it allllll out!" the second squirrel sang along, clutching the hanyou's haori as Inuyasha thrashed about in frustration.

_An hour and twenty-seven minutes later…_

"I just…just…really, REALLY wanted those gummies," Inuyasha sobbed out. The first squirrel, affectionately nicknamed "Face-rag", turned around on Inuyasha's shoulder so he could blow his nose into his tail.

"Claw-lip", the other squirrel, was rubbing Inuyasha's ears soothingly. "There, there, let it all out."

"And…I really wanted my mommy's doll. But SHE took it away, I know it!" Inuyasha hissed, wiping his face and standing up suddenly, knocking both squirrels to the ground.

Face-rag and Claw-lip jumped on him again, but were incinerated by Inuyasha exploding robot-style once more as his feelings reached the limit. He was immediately regenerated by some magical means, and bounded off, in search of Kikyou's soul and of his dear dolly. Some gummies would make him feel better too.

"Somewhere, over the rainbow! Where gummies frolic! There's a bitch-soul named Kikyou, who'll hand over my doll…" Inuyasha sang as he ran about.

Since the hanyou was too excited and angry to watch where he was going, he ran into none other than Kagome, who had somehow been inflated back to life. Her hands were clutched into fists at her sides, and her head was down, bangs hiding her eyes.

"Kagome…?" Inuyasha inquired, relief and concern pouring out of him for her as he temporarily forgot about his mission.

"You…" she whispered, her form trembling, "You didn't come back after lunch to play HOUSE with me!!"

Inuyasha backed away, now very conscious of the ribbons he knew still were tied in his hair. He reached out a clawed hand, to maybe comfort the angry, hurt, girl. Kagome allowed Inuyasha to touch her, by some miracle.

"Kagome," Inuyasha murmured, stepping closer, his eyes getting all soft and lovey, "I'm sorry. We can play house just as soon as I get my mommy's dolly back from Kikyou…"

Kagome's form had relaxed up until the word, "Kikyou", was spoken. She growled and lifted her head to his.

"We'll play now," She whispered again, this time some maniacal tone seeping in.

"Uh, but can't I get my dolly—?"

"NO! WE PLAY HOUSE _NOW, _LIKE YOU PROMISED!" Kagome screamed at the top of her lungs, causing all of the wildlife within miles of them to scatter.

Inuyasha dropped his hand and fell down on his butt on the grass, his eyes bugged out, ears flat to the sides of his head.

"Ok, Kagome, just calm down first," He complied, face fallen but actually feeling a little happy to be with Kagome.

A sweet, not-so-genuine smile spread widely over the girl's face. "Don't worry, Inuyasha, I'm not mad anymore…"

Ok, maybe this won't turn out to be the most memorable thing he's gone through today…*sigh*

***  


Sorry for the wait. I had to get in the right mood. Well, is this one any good? Tell me!! I don't know when the next chapter will come out.

  


  
  



	4. Memorable play, meeting the diva, and at...

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Chapter Four

Disclaimer: Don't own it…blah blah blah. And I don't own Ayumi Hamasaki. Or Hover Round…

Inuyasha continued to stare at Kagome, who had just finished a trill of maniacal laughter.

"This is going to be the best!" she squealed, then ran off to get her pack, but not before glaring at Inuyasha for a good ten seconds.

The abused hanyou sat in the grass, waiting, for he knew that if he tried to run, Kagome would find him somehow, and he didn't want to deal with that outcome. He hummed a tune he heard on Kagome's boom box all too often…and had images of a J-pop diva. 

"Back!" Kagome shrieked, tossing the giant yellow pack just inches from Inuyasha, ripping him from his mind's replay of a J-pop concert.

"Shouldn't we be in a house?" Inuyasha inquired, now writing the lyrics to a song titled, "Duty", in the dirt in front of him.

Kagome gave him a mischievous grin. "We don't need a house."

She then loosened the strings of her pack, and started digging through it much in the manner that Inuyasha would—er—does. The delighted young woman with possibly cruel intentions pulled out a necktie, a coffee mug, one penny loafer, and what looked like a condom. She tossed these in a heap at Inuyasha's feet. 

"Tashika ni hitotsu no jidai ga owaru no o boku ha kono me de mita yo…?" Inuyasha's singing was halted when he picked up the last item in the pile—the condom.

Kagome saw his confusion, and pretended to know what it was for. "Just leave that alone for now."

She now rummaged through the bag for what _she_ would need. Kagome brought out a hair dryer, a bra, two fake nails, and a pink fuzzy slipper, which had some sort of voucher stuffed inside it. After finding that huge clump of purple gummies on her quest to find Inuyasha earlier…Well, she couldn't resist! She wasn't too crazy for the purpley-ness, but she got past that. Thinking about that yummy memory was not helping her forget it and move on, nor was it making her aware of her behavior dipping below its norm.

"Ok!" she said, itching with barely-contained excitement, "Put 'em up! I mean…Put 'em on! Hee hee…"

"But…er…Kagome…I.." Inuyasha stuttered, eyed the necktie suspiciously form where it rested on the grass, untouched.

"Whaat?! Just put them on! You promised me." Kagome yelled, stomping her now-little feet.

Inuyasha gulped down a sob as he pointed to the necktie. "I'm afraid of those!"

Kagome had stopped pushing her knee socks down to her ankles, and glared at the frightened hanyou. "Just put it around your neck, and pull!"

He avoided her gaze as he slipped the lonesome penny-loafer on one foot, balanced the empty mug on his head, and slowly reached out for the necktie, trembling all the while. He thought of that J-Pop diva, and he smiled, feeling a little better.

Just as he was about to finally grab that tie, a squealing chorus reached his keen ears. He turned his head sharply to the distant hills, causing the mug to fly off of his apparently-slippery hair. That dolphin-unicorn youkai sped from the hills, still singing "Uwasa no Sexy Guy", only in German instead of Japanese. It stopped right under the mug and it smashed on its head. 

"Ahahahahaha!!!! I caught you, Flipper!" Sango shrieked in crazed laughter, as she caught up with the now-unconscious youkai, which still held the hysterical monk tight in its jaws.

"Lemme gooo! Sango, help me, please!" Miroku screamed, eyes red and cheeks wet from crying.

"Are you the real Flipper?" Sango interrogated the monk, eyeing him strangely, "Or are you his father?!"

Miroku thought about this for a moment. "Yes, I am his father. And my true color is mango orange. My scent is now discontinued at Bath & Body Works, and I know not what to do! So I think I'll just give up, and go back to Niagra Falls."

Sango's brown eyes grew five sizes. "Woow, you're his father! Awesome! Take me to your leader!!"

"Alrighty! But first, you must pry me from this monster's deadly grasp!" Miroku gasped out.

"Umm," Inuyasha spoke up suddenly, now rid of his phobia as he swung the necktie around one finger, "I don't think dolphins live at Niagra Falls. That's was Kagome told me once."

Kagome could only stare at the scene in silent amazement, and didn't twitch at the mention of her name. She was too captivated and shocked that she was staring at Flipper's father.

"Whaaaat?!" Sango bellowed, immediately ceasing her effort to free Miroku.

Miroku sniffed back more hysterical tears. "Please, my love, save me anyway?"

Sango hissed at him, then clicked eight times in some strange pattern, and that huge ugly bird swooped out of the sky and grabbed her kimono by its talons.

"I'll never forget this, Houshi!!!" she screamed as her form grew smaller by the second.

Inuyaha had started to tiptoe silently away, to possible escape during the madness, but jumped when Kagome tapped him on the shoulder.

"We're still playing house, silly." She cooed, twirling a piece of his long, silver hair, before yanking it painfully upwards, causing the hanyou to fall flat on his back. He roared in renewed frustration.

The young girl let go suddenly, and tears started rolling down her cheeks. She reached out and snatched the unopened condom from its place on the grass, and ripped the packaging apart in a fury. She then hog tied Inuyasha with her long backpack straps and pulled the condom over the poor hanyou's head. 

The material screamed in her head, "Stop, stop!! It's too much…ahh!" 

She growled with effort as she finally pulled it entirely over his head. He moaned and groaned in confusion, his voice muffled. What kind of sick joke was this, anyway?! He couldn't take it anymore! It was time…Time to call upon the Diva!

"AYUMI!!!! COME SAVE MEEEEE!!" he wailed like a banshee, to the empty hills.

He waited. She waited, unsure of what would happen. They waited.

Suddenly, a small buzzing sound could be heard. Kagome, Inuyasha, and Miroku all stared expectantly at the hills, though Inuyasha's senses told him the noise was coming from another direction. He continued to stare towards the hills anyway.

Ayumi could now be seen, her small head crashing through the trees, towards the unsuspecting gaggle of people. She sped faster, faster than anyone of her age could possibly go.

"La la la la la, la la, la la, la la la la la la la!" she yodeled in warning, just before zipping into the clearing, running over the poor monk, who began to cry again.

"Ayumi! You came!" Inuyasha shrieked in happiness, then frowned for a moment at the old lady he was staring at in the strange device, "You _are _Ayumi Hamasaki, right?"

"Of course I am!" Ayumi croaked angrily.

"Ayumi?!" Kagome whimpered, sliding into a gooey mass, then reforming into her human shape. "Ayumi! What happened?! You're…you're….OLD!"

Inuyasha ran around Ayumi three times, eyeing the motor-chair she appeared to be seated in. "What the HELL are you sitting in, old hag?!"

Ayumi hacked into a hanky with little embroidered Ayupans on it, before replying. "That's _Miss Diva-Who-Will-Never-Die-Ayumi-Old-Hag-Style _to you!!! And, yes, age has taken its toll on me. Perhaps if I didn't do certain things I thought would benefit me at some point in my life…ah…But it doesn't matter now. Everyone still loves me, and I still love everyone!"

Inuyasha frowned. This confused him. He turned to Kagome for a translation.

Kagome sighed, feeling happy deep down that Inuyasha was asking her to translate Ayumi's speech! After all, she was her number one fan!

"Well, she said that she's old and you need to shut up. But you better speak up, I don't think she heard the part about what she's sitting in." Kagome stated, impressed by her translation, not knowing how bad it really was.

Inuyasha took a deep breath, and shouted, "_Miss Diva-Who-Will-Never-Die-Ayumi-Old-Hag-Style!!!!!!! What. The. Hell. Are. You. Sitting. In?!?!?!?!"_

Poor old Ayumi mistook his shouting as a pat of some hip new way of communicating, and shouted back, "_I'm sitting in the state-of-the-art, one-of-a-kind Hover Round! The vehicle you can use to travel ANYWHERE in the world!! And it's better than any old wheelchair—It's motorized!"_

"Are you a disabled patron in need of transportation?" she asked, well aware of the answer, as she sniffed sadly.

"Why, no, my child. Of what significance is that question? You haven't bought my new album, have you?!" Ayumi demanded, trying to sit up in her chair, but failing.

Kagome marched over to Ayumi bravely, who stared up at her with big brown sagging eyes. "You can't have a Hover Round, then!!! You stole my voucher from my sacred slipper, DIDN'T YOU?! Oh, I'm so sad!!"

Ayumi whimpered, then clasped her hands in prayer, and she mumbled words to the tune of one of her songs, "Ourselves". She didn't budge has Kagome gently lifted her form from the Hover Round, and hastily dropped her on the ground. Miroku moaned. Ayumi was so light that, in fact, the grass didn't change its shape under her weight. Some things never change.

After glancing lovingly at the once world-dominating J-Pop diva, Kagome hopped onto the Hover Round, shoved the little lever forward, and sped off, cackling. Miroku let out a bleat of pain, and Inuyasha helped the ravaged monk to his feet. None seemed to notice that the dolphin-unicorn youkai had vanished. That was probably for the better, anyway.

Miroku wiped his face for the fifth time that day, then turned to Inuyasha. "Well? Should we head back to the village? Maybe we'll find more gummies."

Inuyasha's golden eyes sparkled at the mention of gummy bears. "But first, you help me get these damn ribbons out of my hair!!"

Miroku giggled girlishly as he re-noticed the black ribbons. Inuyasha growled, and Miroku stopped giggling long enough to attempt to pull them out of his hair. All he did was yank on the poor hanyou's scalp.

"Owch! What the hell are you doing?! Geez, can't you do something as simple as getting a few Buddha-forsaken ribbons out of my hair?!" Inuyasha yipped at him in anger.

Miroku wailed like a baby, and ran off screaming about how everyone was so mean to him. Inuyasha panicked. Only humans could remove the unholy ribbons!_ How did I know this, _he wondered randomly._ I gotta catch Miroku, before he eats all the gummies! And he's gotta get the ribbons out…Miroku, monk-darling! Wait!_

With that, Inuyasha bounded off after the over-emotional monk, dolly temporarily forgotten, and unaware of the two robot squirrels trailing him not too far behind…

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How was that? Hmm? By the way, I have nothing against Ayumi. I just thought I'd say that…^___^

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